What do I wanna do?
Today a friend suggested that I should do more right brain stuff, like photography perhaps.
He said maybe I like creating things and that humans always feel a sense of satisfaction when we create. True.
He asked what is it I really really want to do? That I might have forgotten. I don’t know – now. Hahah.
Thinking…. Maybe I should travel and see more of the world. Unwind my brain and see where it really brings me. See where my true happiness lies. I should do a Photog trip and see what I shoot. And perhaps it’s time to do mobile app programming. Hahhaa.
I count my blessings for all the friends who spend time with me and help me discover myself.
Been 2 months.
I’m still digesting, still having doubts, still finding my bearings.
I am not sure why this time it seems like a different kind of challenging. I’m older, I’m wiser, some things I’m more certain of than before.
Maybe I have ‘less’ friends with me to keep me afloat all throughout, maybe i have really put up a long and good fight…. That I’m all spent and exhausted. Maybe I’m questioning my real value and worth, wondering what people see in me and love.
Maybe I should determine my own value and never peg it to other people ever again.
After about 10 months, the adventure came to an end.
It was an intense journey. Lotsa joy, lotsa happiness, some amount of joy.
I think i spent a good part of my journey defending and pursuing its cause. Now its time to take a break. A good one.
I remembered the day I wrote this. 20th Nov 2012.
When I wrote this line as a response on my Facebook post, my heart broke and I cried my hearts out. Cuz all that pride in me just didn’t allow me to forgive myself for being “lesser” than I was.
I felt small and worthless. Angry and disgusted at people who belittle me. And perhaps angry at myself for not having the capacity or velocity to surge forward. And to have lost the energy to charge ahead like before.
Suddenly I was lost. I lost.
Till today – I’m still learning. What does it mean, to forgive myself. Let go, be free. Lighten up and fly.
It’s way easier now of course, but we constantly learn.
From 10th April 2015
“It’s about a dream. You see, in their own little way, every entrepreneur feels that he or she can change the world.” Despite all the ups and downs, I admire my bosses relentless passionate pursuit of their beliefs. Not sucking up but I think it’s true.
Many join a smaller, lesser known company unsure (maybe even doubtful) of its full potential. Well, as employees – seriously do you really care? You’d probably care more about your personal salary, promotions and increments more than the company’s potential. At least at the point of signing of the employment letter. Haha.
Not that I know what PropertyGuru was all about or knew how big we want to be or going to be when I joined… But along the way, I met many people of high passion, high energy and strong desire to “just do it”. It was a highly enabling to really see the possibility of getting things done together, without the structural red tapes of a corporate company. That in itself, was a double edged sword because not many people can function that way, and it does cause a bit of growing pains. Haha. But we charged ahead and did some crazy things we never ever thought possible.
6 years on, if anyone would join a startup, I’d say – Be prepared to do everysinglefuckingthing and be prepared for some amount of pain. You’d find a part of yourself you never know existed if you had chosen a safer route. Out of the many nice colleagues, you will find a “family” you will be safe to speak your hearts to (and some crazy characters you never know exist in this planet). Last but not least, be prepared to fall madly in love.
Happy 6yrs to myself! I feel we are of startup beginnings, riding wild into an exciting adventure, but still pursuing the dream. Grown up much, still in love, still having fun – just in a different kind of way.