Losing, Remembering and Finding It Back again

In life, we often lose something unknowingly. Probably some days ahead, we remembered we use to have this something, but don’t know where its left at, don’t know if we’ve dumped it…. Its just lost forever.

Some of the lucky times, we will find back this little things that we lost. While most other times, these lost items never find their way back.

I am quite cool when things are lost. I feel a tinge of sadness, and regret for not keeping a close eye on it. I am mostly able to rationalise why its lost and I accept the consequences of it being lost, due to my lack of care.

But when I do find back these special things, I really feel damn fortunate. Perhaps its with them being lost in time, that made me missed them much. When I find them back, I know I will treasure them more. With more care and more attention, I hope to keep them safe and close to me.

The other part of me often quietly tell myself that if it really does get lost again somehow, its probably destined not to be by my side. And has left to seek better fortune with its new owner.

With each lost, we gain something in return. However I think its only me who determine, what I have lost and what I have gained in return. Some things in life can never be lost, some can never be found, some can only be found when lost, and some are lost when found.

Dum Dee Dee

I bored shitless these days. Or should I really be ‘full of shit’ these days?

- Sigh – pathetic me is suffering from constipation. Fruitless toilet trips. I bet 2 kg of my weight accounts towards the waste materials storing up in my intestines and they better get the hell out of my ass. My usual tummy has now swell to resemble a 3 months pregnant lady… how embarassing…

My apologies if I had sounded crude and disgusting. You ain’t hearing nothing yet really. My best friend from poly and I used to disgust such ‘waste matters’ over the dining table in a matter of fact manner, and it didn’t spoit our appetite. Although I can’t say the same for the other friends who share the table with us… Err… why am I sharing such a gross side of me? lol!

Anyway, some of you probably has seen a really gross and funny side of me. Some of you probably will never see it. As we grow older, we’ve got to learn to be shy. Especially on the social platform. Damn social etiquette. They made me so fake. haha! Actually I don’t even know which is the real me. The shy one or the shameless one. haha!

I realised wordpress’ interface has just gotten a little depressing. I am not sure if its wordpress or its my mac. well, ok lets just say its my mac. Does that warrant me to upgrade to the new 17″ MacBook? Or maybe the 20″ iMac? plleeeeasee… They are looking smokin’ hot!! But I am really just joking. I am really happy with my current 13″. Its handy and I really just surfs the net with it.

Work Life balance to me is still myth. But I aim to make it come true soon. Starting work at this co has been really great. People are great. Whats not to like, when your colleague keep harping on the fact that you are pretty? hahah! On a serious note, thats really just the prelude to telling you, there’s work he needs you to do. haha! But its ok, as long I am pretty. haha! *bimbo! Work has been hectic, with lotsa housekeeping to be done. But it seems kinda impossible, becuase there’s no breathing space for me to do housekeeping. Since there’s no chance to upkeep the house, lets just burn the house down? kekeke!

I have just survived my first one month at work. And it felt like 6 months has flashed passed. Now… does it mean, I felt like I am so familiar with my work already or does it really mean, I feel six months older in the duration of one? haha

Suety’s thoughts are messed up tonight. Sharon’s at UK till 2nd week of May. She hasn’t met her girlfriends for the longest time. She misses her them. She need to get in touch with EArth… There’s a sense of insecurity when you feel that you have flew too far away from the familiarity the Earth for the distant strange skies. She needs to feel her feet unite with the stability of the ground. It gives a strange sense of comfort.

Last Saturday, Suet went a friend’s housewarming party. It felt strange. Strange becuase the few months gap has made her felt so awkward with her friends. She is mentally tired, she can’t focus much on the conversations and her mind seems incapable to retain information for long. Thats bad news really.

I guess, Suet needs to get rested. Probably get something to nourish her weak brains. LOL! Good night everyone. Thanks for staying tune!

Just a thought…

“Alone in the crowd”

and

“In the crowd alone”

Are they the same or different? Just wondering. hmmm..

Secretly I wished

Secretly I wished I had better brains to process more information. I feel like a 486 living in the world of the Pentium Duo Core…

Secretly I wished I would have 4 kids after marriage. Errmm.. Maybe 3 is a less scary figure. But lets see if the first one tramatises me! haha!

Secretly I wished I could be a full time mother to see my children grow. And not leave them to the maid. Although I never had the intention of ever hiring a maid.

Secretly I wished my temper is less furious than it is now. Its scary when I realised I am not as gentle as I remembered myself to be. But hey, thats part of growing up? haha!

Secretly I wished my boss would increase my pathetic salary soon. And not deduct it. Its funny how companies usually deduct pay  just becuase the economy is not good…  even when they are doing well..

Secretly I wished I would have the courage and wisdom to be the kind of mother I want to be and not the kind of mother that I’ve learnt to become. Man is sometimes blessed because of his experiences, but they are also often impaired by them..

Anyway, all this wishes I have secretly are no longer secrets, are they? lol! And most importantly, secretly I wished I had none of these wishes and just get back to reality! haha!

Time to sleep everybody!

Here’s my song of the moment for you guys to enjoy – Don’t Look Back in Anger – Oasis

p/s: i am generally in quite a happy mood tonight. just in case i sounded not too happy throughout my post. lolol!!

Em,power’ment

Work has been good for me thus far. Quite a lot to be done because somehow the lady before seems to be a superwoman. She was handling so many things within the office that I suspect my boss should really have listed “superwoman” as one of his requirements when he advertised for this position.

I am feeling so exhausted from work today. Clearing back logs and some other stuff. My mind was totally blank when I took the MRT home. I felt hungry yet at the same time  my stomach was kinda bloated – not very good sign for a bride to be. My work out plans got to kick off soon, baby.

I had a quick dinner at KFC. Well, yeah at KFC alone. Usually, I would rather go hungry than eat alone. But after thinking, I decided I was too hungry and exhausted to not eat.

At KFC, I saw this girl (presumably a teacher from JC) talking to / teaching / lecturing a group of three JC students. I begin to get worried for the next generation. Well, I was quite sure if I were one of the three students there, I would pack up and scram.

Apparently she was sharing with them some stuff on doing well for their General Paper. But I just felt the way she share her knowledge was quite ‘cocky’. She started explaining the meaning of “verbs”, “adjectives”, “nouns” to the boys. The she went on talking about adding a “modifier” to “nouns” to paraphrase a sentence. blah blah blah… Hmmm.. sounds like a very ’scientific’ way to learn a language huh…

Well not sure if the boys were listening but I could hear her speech loud and clear, and the boys went all quiet. There’s probably nothing wrong bout the information she is sharing, but I thought the boys were 17 / 18 years and not 7 / 8 years old. Just kinda dumb.

Anyway, I was soon back to my ’stoning’ mode.

Took a hot shower when I am home. It felt really great! Then my mind drift back to the scenario at KFC. I think I know why I felt so disturbed by this incident. I suddenly found “empowerment” such an important factor when it comes to teaching. At 17/18  years old, they are almost adults. They should be taught in a way that they are empowered to think out of the box and not bind themselves within the box, to something so insignificant and unimportant as “nouns”, “adjectives” and “verbs”.

-duh!

***

Hahaha!! Guess what, after writing the last sentence, I totally lost my whole train of thoughts! And therefore I decided to conclude my post by saying good night. I think my brain is nudging me to just go and sleep! haha!

Good things, Bad things and nothings

Funny title I thought of. I was reading a report from MSN about S’pore Grand Prix hiking the price of the corporate tickets this year. Per corporate tickets are going to cost between SGD 5,000 to 8,000. Not like it will affect me really, but a sentence caught my attention:

The worst global economic crisis since the Great Depression of the 1930s has accelerated since late last year, leaving the city-state and other key global economies in recession.

Sigh.

This is not news already I know. But its kinda affecting my life slowly and surely. But just like how my grandparents are proud to have stories bout how they survive the great depression in the 30s, I am at least going to have a story to tell my grandchildren about how I (am going to) survive a depression greater than my grandparents! LOL! *smug*

Its leaving me in a vacation which is longer than expected now. The question remains – is accounting for me? Haha! Yes, since long ago I have been thinking through this question. I have come to a conclusion. I dread balancing the sheet and adjusting the journals. After doing bookkeeping for some time, I have learnt to appreciate the importance of accounting but not developed a passion for it. So much being said bout passion and what not, it seems to be possibly the most practical route currently to earn some savings and get on with life. Passion, in times of war, is a luxury that not many can afford.

I have learnt one thing about where my passion lies though. I think I belong to the service industry. Yes, i will curse and swear at the demanding and unreasonable ones, but I love making life nice for others, seeing them smile and leave satisfied. – Sigh – the only draw back, the pay is really shitty in that sector.

Anyway, today I spent my day shopping! It really feels so good to buy nice things, bring them home and continue admiring them! Pretty pretty stuff I got! But just too bad, they are not mine to keep. Thats why I can’t divulge too much here. I went to a shop I would not really go in usually and the place wow me! The things wow me even more!! Ok, thats as much as I can say now.

But alas, life goes on. We strive to make everyday a better one than yesterday. As we grow older, we learnt to take a step at a time but look 3 steps and plan 5 steps ahead. We cry to appreciate laughter. We laugh to celebrate surviving tearful moments. We grow along the way. Becuase if we do not grow, we die.

You can’t handle the truth!

Truth – thats what everybody wants, but not many can handle it.

At the end of the day, it is still about what they want to see, what they want to hear, what they want to know and what they want to feel. Who cares bout the truth? When truth is being revealed, they will try ways and means to convince themselves that the truth we know is not true at all.

Are white lies necessary? Yes, they are.

They are necessary, especially when the recipient of the message has conditioned the ‘messenger’ to learn by heart that he is not capable of handling information well enough. So at the end of the day, its a cause and effect, isn’t it?

You want truth, but you are never gonna get them because you can’t handle them. You get lies all the time, because the messenger always get killed in mission. You will get truth when you’ve learnt to respect and accept the message.

I am so tired. In all dimensions, I feel I am so drained. Whether in my personal life or professionally, its all about what others want to hear. On a good day, I am absolutely ok as long as the recipient feels happy. But when shit starts pouring on my head, it stinks.

Its ok if I need to manage only one party, but when everyone has different demands of me, I start to doubt my value. Then again, in the very essence, it could also have been my fault for not having a stronger stand on my own thoughts. So serve me right, huh? – duh -

Some Thoughts

When crisis strike, we see a lot of fingers pointing here, there and everywhere. Many people (who has nothing to do directly with the crisis) tend to comment like they know exactly what happened and start analyzing aloud in the net. Duh.

Recently the local media has been busy covering the death of Lo Hwei Yen. She was a young, vivacious lady with a life just waiting to start. Many people lamented that it was such a waste. Many people was also angered because life has been unfairly taken and it has probably became more personal, because the victim is someone so close to home. Then some started to point finger at our government, their government, whoever whoever and whoever. Sigh. Maybe this is when we should really just hold our tongue and give a moment of silence as a sign of respect to the bereaved.

In times of war, the biggest victim is Truth. Because after all is said and done, no one really knows the truth. There’s a conflict of what is known to be ‘truth’, thats why there’s a war. And becuase there’s war, certain ‘truths’ became distorted and unknown. Life is not respected and robbed away. Lots of tragedies have taken place through history, and each time there seems to be something to be learnt. Most of the time, we read bout vigilance, defence and intelligence etc etc. Although over time, we tend to get complacent and lazy and give chance for terror to strike – again.

Guess its time we should give our NSmen and defence people a pat on their back. I think being in the defence force (ie: police, army navy, airforce, etc) in Singapore is not easy. If the once a year fire drills in your office can be a senseless thing, imagine the jobs of our men. It can be a mundane job sometimes, and I think it can be quite a challenge protecting a safe place like Singapore. Its not that difficult to get complacent and let our guards down. Therefore, I think while the women in Singapore are not forced to do NS, I think the women can some cheerleading and cheer on the men around them for doing a good job. At the end of the day, Singapore needs everyone’s effort to protect it becuase it is afterall a small country. (Although to be fair, its not a perfect system we have. And I understand it gets on some our men’s nerves sometimes. But I really appreciate their part in ensuring our security.)

Back to Hwei Yen, my life pales in comparison to hers. What she had achieved in her lifetime, made mine seems so dead. Rest in Peace and my condolences to her family. May they find strength.

If you readers are interested, you can check out the video interview with her husband Michael Puhaindran at these links.
Interview Part 1
Interview Part 2
Interview Part 3

Bad Times? Geez…

Time are bad. Loads and loads of bad news coming one after another. Stock markets plunging, companies downsizing, staff going on forced leave, staff given the white slip… the works of Adam Smith’s ‘invisible hand’? LOL! I am not sure man. Good news are hardly heard these days – other than MacDonald’s Mega Big Mac, which means u can buy a burger that you can consume at 2pm for lunch and skip dinner thereafter! Ah! Thats called “cost effective”! haha! Confidence has been all time low, from the economy to the food we put into our mouths. What is worse man? Having no food to eat or fearing what you eat will kill you? Hmmm.. something to think about huh!

When I first studied Economics, I loved the idea of “limited resources unlimited wants”. I think thats the basic idea of it. Of course, there are ideas and theories which are much deeper – but heck la! I am not gonna regurgitate all the garbage… coz I forgotten most of them! LOL! There’s oppurtunity costs involved in most situations. You sacrifice A for B. You can’t have the best of both worlds. But human are basically greedy – they can’t afford everything but they want everything. And its not like they really NEED everything anyway.

Today I got a copy of the Business Times. It revealed more bad news. I can’t really remember reading anything hopeful there. Perhaps I was shrouded with the negative news hovering all over the pages to see any silver lining.

I guess I can appreciate the economic slump. What goes up, will come down. Property prices were going up up up, everyone was expecting it to come down just that they don’t know when. When the sub-prime thingy broke out, everyone knows the worst is not over yet. There were warning signs all over the place, wasn’t there? Everyone was just waiting for the recession to come, is it not? But anyway, the fall of Lehman brought along a massive domino effect – toppling almost everything that linked to money.

I must say I am not in a great position to be commenting. Firstly, I know nuts about the world economy. Secondly, I am not working. Thirdly, I am too poor to dabble in money making instruments.Therefore, while I am able to comprehend human emotions involved, a third party is always a third party. Comments from me just wouldn’t do justice to people who are really involved in the situation.

Anyway through the whole episode, I learnt the basic importance of having a disciplined savings habit. You can earn little, but you still need to save a bit. In times like this, I think cash on hand can really save lives!

Guess in times like this, we should all look forward to spending more quality time at home in order to cut costs, watchin all the DVDs that we had no time to watch, rewatching some of the old classics, learn to whip some nice dishes, clean up our home, go start an exercise regime, do some volunteer work, etc etc etc… Lifes not that bad after all, right? LOL!! *keeping my fingers crossed* But of course, staying home won’t help the economy recover. When we are feeling rich, we should really just go out and spend some money too!

You can’t step into the same river twice.

Heraclitus is the famous guy who told us 2500 years ago that the only constant is change. And this is one of the most basic stuff taught in the School of Management these days 2500 years later, I think.

I read an article the other day about another quote of his through the “Mind Your Body” section of the Straits Times, but I couldn’t find the article anymore. Its probably with some Karang Guni man now…

Anyway the writer wrote an article entitled something like “You can’t step into the same river twice”. This quote kind of intrigued me because I was pretty confused by the “same river twice” part. I thought, seriously why was that not possible? If I go to Singapore River, I can put my leg in twice and that would have ‘proven’ that I ’stepped into the same river twice’. But later, discovered that it really make much sense and I had been a little shallow.

The original quote goes something like this:

“You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you”

But some variations are like “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”.. Well the quote is 2500 years old, its not surprising there’s so many variations. LOL!

One site I found explained this quote: “Because the river you stepped in flows on, the river you thereafter step in again has changed. In fact, you too are like a river that flows. The same person cannot step in the same river twice too – for your body and mind would have changed. Cratylus was a student of Heraclitus. His statement further emphasises the reality that everything will flow – to the extent that the river you wanted to step in and the one you actually do step in a mere moment later are already different. Things are not as they solidly seem, things flow – as continuums of physical and mental change. You cannot read this same article twice either!”

Its just so fascinating – the notion of “same” and “different”. I am the same girl I was when I was 5 years old, but I am a different girl from the one 20 years ago. Physically, mentally, emotionally we are all different. But we are but the same person.

This quote is pretty similar to the one which he was darn famous for “Change alone is unchanging”. Its about changes that take place all around us. And it is constant. Thats why, we can’t step on the same river twice. Even its chemical content before and after you put your foot in it might differ. And your feet will never be the same again as well.

Philosophy can be so interesting right? All these talks about change and what nots made me realised one thing… somehow philosophy doesn’t quite change and it withstand the test of time as it proves the truth in the basic elements of mankind.

How profoundly interesting indeed.