A Quickie

Life’s been good, I believe.

I grateful for all good things that happens in my life (such as great friends, my graduation, my upcoming wedding, etc etc) and all the could-be-better things that happen in my life that makes me appreciate all the good things much more.

Life’s all about balance right? The Yin and the Yang. This seems to be the essential law of the world that guides the system of all things big and small in the universe. Too much anything (good or bad) is just not good. It has to be in a balance.

First and foremost, before I forget, I wish my dear a very happy birthday. Yes, finally he is as old as I am. And he has another 9 months before he can gloat over the fact that I am officially 1 year older than him (in terms of numbers). Sigh, why am i entertaining him? haha! i forgot, he is my hubby. LOL! And, I am really grateful to have found him really.

Following after, the last 2 weeks have been very eventful. The 2 weeks must have been like 2 months… Many times, I thought I should have just bang my head on the wall, and I believe the anger in me would have numbed any pain at all.

To put it simply, I had one new aunty in my office who seems to doze off each time I coach her on my office processes. When she is not dozing off, she prefers to eavedrop on another group nearby and then ask me questions on things that I have just said 5 minutes ago.

Then I have one young lady who openly declared that she is not a customer-oriented person. In other words, I will have to clear the shit that she leaves behind. And the boss thinks its fine. Oh well…

Lastly, I have one young lad who can’t seem to understand what it means by I am MARRIED. He told me he feels we could both be ’soulmates’ and asked me things like “if we are both single, would be be able to develop our relationship”. wtf??!! Lots of small actions which drives me up the wall. And whats more interesting is: he has a gf.

My quaint little peaceful office is now so vibrant with activities. Whats wrong ah? People are acting stupid and selfish. Think the feng shui must have changed. I should really look forward to the shift to Novena so that my luck could change – for better and not for worse.

Getting started and A lady I didn’t like

Life’s a bitch! LOL! Nah, it really isn’t. Because I think it is not a female. haha! No sexist intentions here, but I think at present Life’s great really. To know that you can do so much more than you are doing right now in this time frame. To know that the possibilities are endless and there are always chances that things is going to be so much better than before, IF we move our ass and get started with doing things which brings us to that state!

Hmmm.. I guess the beginning is always the toughest. Thats when Life is really a Bitch. When you get started, you are always faced with inertia. Possibilities are made to look impossible. What you say that is achievable seems to be unsurmountable. You are running but feels like you’re chained to cannonballs. You are swimming but the water feels like thick grease. *Hmmm.. sounds like I am so in need of Gatorade huh?*

Why am I feeling this way… coz I really wanna get started to run a distance (as in really put on the running shoes and run a few km). Which is nowhere near getting started. But I am pressing on… trying to be more disciplined and press on when my body threatens to surrender from the years of under-utilisation. Can you imagine, my initial attempts in running resulted in stitches at my waist! MY god, I haven’t had stitches when I run since Primary School la! So behold my countrymen, Suet shall press on and emerge victorious!!!!!

I am terribly slack as a bride to be really. My friend who is 15 months away from her wedding is already taking drastic measures like eating some weight loss pills and doing crunches every day, complete with some exercise regime regularly. I am totally slack even with 6 months more to go. I would really like to think I am normal… I would like to get trim and toned for my wedding, but some bride to be-s seem to be making pre-wedding preparations sounds like a disaster… omg.

Lets chill people. Lets do whats needed and enjoy the process. At the meantime, I would still love to indulge in my favourite sinful fares once in a while. *Awwww… please don’t tell me I am supposed to abstain from them?! A few sinful calories won’t do much damages!* heheh!

Of course on a more rational note, I am happy with my current weekly work out plans, eating things I like and oh yes, I’ve been getting off work a little earlier these days! Thats an achievement! So life’s generally going great for me.

******

Just to share a little experience I had today.

After Darren bought his spectacles from a shop, I told him, “I will never come back to this shop and buy from that lady. I don’t like her.”

Darren was surprised that I didn’t like her, coz he didn’t see the rationale behind it.

The lady was recommending some specs to Darren and say that he needed something sharper (which will enhance his proffesional image) and that his current specs was too ’student-like’. Ok, fair enough. Then she said to me, “Ay, you don’t mind. He need something more mature, coz he look younger than you leh.”

*roll eyes. ROLL eyes. ROLL EYES! |||-_-

Then she went on, “After I gave birth, my husband also look younger than me, thats why I made him buy specs which are squarish and sharper… blah blah blah…”

ok fine, her husband looked younger than her too… but thats AFTER SHE GAVE BIRTH!

*roll eyes even more.. |||*_*

Walau eh. Her sales tactics are really pretty adverse compared to most places ah…

Some truths hurts, but I think most women are probably petty in this department. And I guess its usually better to just highlight the positive, than to contrast the positive.

Conclusion: I am petty. And I still don’t like her. Hmph! And Darren had a good laugh over my pettines…

Laidback, not lazy?

I am not sure why, during such terrible economic climate like this would financial planners be actively employing. I mean who is really gonna spend money on investments products at this climate? Many of those who has got buckets of cash to burn might, but ordinary folks are definitely spending much more time thinking about how wisely to spend their money. And I think unless you have a keen interest in educating the public on financial planning and not purely interested in the amount of wealth it can bring to yourself, it is an avenue to explore. Otherwise, I think its just going to be a really demoralizing and time-wasting experience – as a career path.

Personally, I am a believer of insurance and financial planning. I am keen to know how my money can grow at supernormal rates that can compensate me for the inflation that makes me poorer as time goes by. I want to be like Robert Kiyosaki, to have money working for me instead of me working for money. I want to be secure and have a comfortable retirement after 30 years of working. Who doesn’t want them, anyway.

But I simply cannot bring myself to listen on to what financial planners has to offer me. Its such a turn off most of the times. While they take pains to explain to you what their plan A and plan B can do for you, the bottomline is still – they are merely salesmen. To my dear financial planners out there, to really be a good one, I honestly think you should know how to draw the line between good marketing and hard selling. Its such a turn off when its all written from your words and actions that all you want is for me to sign on that freaking dotted lines and get myself committed for the next 25 years of my life. And I’ve grown to believe that hardselling is the reason why when Lehman collapse, so many people who could retire rich found themselves poorer by half.

I know some of my friends who are doing really fantastic as financial planners. I really have no prejudice against the proffesion. I once was inspired to be one, to share knowledge on how to plan one’s finances and how different instruments (of course with varying level of risk) can be balanced and make your money grow. But at the end of the day, I am not a sales person material. I am not one who loves working towards quota and statistics… I believe in being nice and let people have things their way. Thats why I prefer being in the service sector than the sales proffession anytime!

***

Recently since my graduation, I have had several offers from financial institutions. One of my friends were doing pretty well, he has went on to set up his own agency and training his agents. He did approach me to join him but I politely declined. Which he respected and have never bugged me again. See, how nice things can be when we respect what each other wants!

One company called me up for an interview once. The position was “Business Development Manager”. So I thought I could give it a try. BUt the catch was this – the company was really dubious. They made no mention of the company’s name when they called me for an interview. Then they do not want to reveal their company’s location to me. They told me their company is at Fuji Xerox Tower and I can call them when I reach the lobby. What nonsense? After a long hesitation, I called the company and the poor HR girl reluctantly revealed that yeah, it is a financial planning position. I pulled out from the interview 10 minutes before the apppointment was up. You see, I was really afraid, once I enter the office, I couldn’t make it out alive!

At the education fair, I met this guy. He probably owns an agnecy himself and was out on prowl for new agents. He started his blah blah blahs on me and asked for my contacts to go to some seminar. Fortunately for me, before the seminar was up I already found a job. But he was not very polite after that I feel. While he did not blow up at me (and he has no rights to), his words were peppered with sarcasms. I told him I am now very pre-occupied with my present commitments to think too far ahead and will be giving this seminar a miss. He went on blabbering that I should have some dreams and what nots. Then I said, I am a very laid back person by nature. And he freaking retorted “You sure you are laid-back, not lazy?” WALAU EH!! Angry leh! Lesson: Some people just don’t deserve to be treated nicely. You got to yell at them sometimes!

***

Seriously after writing so much, I am still positive about financial planning. The product is good, but the planner really need to have the customers’ interest at heart and not the dollars and sense that he/she can get out of it.This is one reason why I would really stick to one whom I am most comfortable with.

Hardselling is so passe. Don’t let it eat into your character. It pisses people off – in EVERY way! From being a potential customer, to being a potential employee; I just think this industry has so much spring cleaning to be done about its projected image.

At the end of the day, its a long term commitment.

The customer has to wait some years before he break even. And the shorter the term to achieve higher returns, the higher the risk. And before future returns become a reality, he is gonna make an immediate loss (due to all the admin fee) once he sign on the dotted line.

Other than harping on the posibility of financial freedom to every potential agents out there, kindly find some kindness in your heart to understand that the new agent is going to eat grass for the first few months. The going is be damn freaking tough and there’s no freaking guarantee on financial freedom – so don’t harp on it. Respect the fact that even in financial planning, there’s this thing called JOB FIT. Oh I forgot, seriously even if the agent is gonna eat grass for the first few months doesn’t really matter to the management. The poor agent with no basic pay gets by with little commission in his initial years, but the sales that he gather benefits the agency no matter what. -DUH!-

1600, 1 year and 3 months

As a student who graduated from the …  errmmm …. 4th university of Singapore, I am proud to have done my course there. Yes, I agree that doing a offshore degree programme might probably not add much value into my resume, especially in such trying times like this. Its a employers market these days, they say. Where employers have a no short of candidates for positions available. And every year there are hordes of fresh graduates from the public and private education sectors.

So, this is the reality of the ‘knowledge based’ economy in a way. We all own some kind of paper, but we do not have any specialty skills to save our lives in desperate times like this. Upon graduation, graduates are not surprisingly looking for jobs which ’suit’ their qualifications. But this is not wrong, because I don’t see why one would want to invest so much studying just to get a job which pays much lower than their contemporaries. We all want to strive towards better living, don’t we? Of course, being practical and feeding ourselves is another story altogether.

Back to me being proud of coming from SIM. There’s no end if one starts comparing NUS. NTU. SMU, SIM, MDIS, MIS, etc etc etc…. The course structure, emphasis, delivery, environment differs from one place to another. So why compare? Whether the degree works for you, really depends on whether you make it work for yourself. You show people what you are made of. While an impression is formed after they see the label ‘SIM’, you prove to them whether you are worthy of an oppurtunity.*So sorry to deviate, this point reminds me of a classmate of mine who used to complain incessantly bout how inferior SIM is compared to xxxx..*

I went to this educational institution for an interview last couple of days. Upon stepping into the building, I am really happier to be in SIM. There’s a more “corporate” feel to SIM – one where I would be proud to be associated with for ‘professional upgrading’ espeically if i am working. This place I been to offer degree courses for working adults as well, but the bright and colourful environment, brings me back to a very ‘children’ sort of environment.

But its ok. I did not let that affect me a lot. Becuase a building is but a building. Its the people you work with that will determine whether your life will be good or suck there. Haha!

So I was there waiting and waiting, filling up tons of forms till my right hand wanna cramp. Finally, Miss HR came to meet me. She was warm and friendly and I liked her immediately. So we chatted. She asked if I would love to try working in the HR field, starting from an entry level as a HR assistant. I responded enthusiastically.

Almost immediately, her manager came out to interview me. (errmm.. I suppose that was called 2nd interview?) She was a very warm and cheerful person. She briefly mentioned the job scope to me, and shared with me the magic number – 1600 Singapore Dollars per month. I would be required to work from like 845am to 630pm everyday and alternate Saturdays. Well, personally I can imagine why that pay for that position, but I couldn’t accept it. Its like a HUGE pay cut from my previous job and the working hours is so damn long! OMG! She ask if I needed time to think, I said that would be great. So off I went and seriously think bout this job. I was really on the verge of saying yes out of desperation for a pay cheque.

It was about 2 days later that the agent (whom I got this job from) spoke to me and shared with me that there was a 1 year contract. I was so shocked. I mean, after talking to 3 nice ladies, how could anyone not tell me such an important TnC? That means I cannot accept this job just for the sake of keeping myself from being hungry. I MUST STAY FOR A YEAR. If not I gotto pay x months of salary.

Then that night, I happened to know a friend who was working there. (I bumped into him at that place, therefore had a short chat with him on Facebook.) He shared with me bout the 1 year contract and a minimum requirement of 3 MTHS notice period to be served in event of resignation. I almost faint!! Who in the world plans to quit 3 months ahead? The only people I know are those who belonged to the higher managements – people who are way above my level in an organization.

Honestly, I may have expected a little too much for a entry level job like this. And its always a good policy to accept the job only when you are committed to delivering your best for the organisation and path a routh for your personal growth. But I did not like that way this whole thing was being handled.

The agent went back and forth between me and the company. I asked if the pay could be negotiated. The final answer was the pay stays at 1600 but the company decide to waive the contract. But I was quite decided on not accepting this position, therefore i declined this offer, telling her that I appreciate her help and that I do not wish to waste everybody’s time and effort since I am not committed. Then, she asked me to reconsider. One thing she said kind of ‘hooked’ me. She said, since the company is willing to waive the contract, I should give it some thoughts. plus ecomomy bad, not easy to find a job of this offer these days… etc etc… If I don’t stay for 1 year, its ok. Stay at least 3 months…. and the rest of what she said sort of trailed off…

Suddenly it dawned upon me that she is not working for my interest AT ALL … Even though she knows I bring with me some years of work experience and is a graduate. If you don’t get the drift, let me explain. In some recruitment assignments, agents only get to earn the commission if the candidate stay on with the co for 3 mths or when they are confirmed. I feel as an agent, she could probably find me some other jobs she have which might suit me better? or find someone else who suit this position better? Not just pushing a square block into a round hole, trying to close the deal and get her dollars!!

OMG… I am so curious bout what the HR is thinking. Did they really expect me to stay loyal with them with such amount? And they really think the 1 year contract is a good way to retain staffs? And the 3 mths notice period is really ridiculous for an entry level position! And to think they are a learning centre for Management studies and quite an established one as well.

In all honesty, I may have agreed to this job really. but one shocker after another just didn’t help. Thats why, I loved SIM to bits after this incident!

Curious Case of Whats Ahead

I caught the movie “A Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. It was a really nice sad movie, lots of feel good moments, words of wisdom, touching moments and tear jerking moments. Brad Pitt was very good-looking, and I so loved Cate Blanchett. She is an unconventional kind of beauty. I love the way she carries herself (probably attributed to her dance background) and her accent of English. She is just fabulous! Her acting from young to old has been effortless and very convincing. There’s also a hint of Audrey Hepburn in her. The elegance and grace. Oh… I love her!

I suspect I won’t mind watching the 166 min Benjamin Button again. Just to see Brad grow young and Cate grow old again. The perspective this movie presents is different and it just got me thinking. The sacrifices in life. The meaning of life. The art of forgiveness.Ok.. maybe i am thinking too much. But this has been a great show for a long time. Bitter. Sweet. Bittersweet.

The only part me and Darren thought to be quite a let down was when Brad Pitt became a baby all over again – at the end of the movie. We thought that didn’t quite flow / fit into the whole story…

***

Had 2 interviews so far. Been very quiet these days. People around me are starting to panic… and I dont think I like that very much. I can’t deny there’s a certain amount of pressure building up. But I will manage. I am sure.

***

Quotes I liked from Benjamin Button:

Your life is defined by its opportunities… even the ones you miss.

It’s a funny thing about comin’ home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You’ll realize what’s changed is you.

You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Good things, Bad things and nothings

Funny title I thought of. I was reading a report from MSN about S’pore Grand Prix hiking the price of the corporate tickets this year. Per corporate tickets are going to cost between SGD 5,000 to 8,000. Not like it will affect me really, but a sentence caught my attention:

The worst global economic crisis since the Great Depression of the 1930s has accelerated since late last year, leaving the city-state and other key global economies in recession.

Sigh.

This is not news already I know. But its kinda affecting my life slowly and surely. But just like how my grandparents are proud to have stories bout how they survive the great depression in the 30s, I am at least going to have a story to tell my grandchildren about how I (am going to) survive a depression greater than my grandparents! LOL! *smug*

Its leaving me in a vacation which is longer than expected now. The question remains – is accounting for me? Haha! Yes, since long ago I have been thinking through this question. I have come to a conclusion. I dread balancing the sheet and adjusting the journals. After doing bookkeeping for some time, I have learnt to appreciate the importance of accounting but not developed a passion for it. So much being said bout passion and what not, it seems to be possibly the most practical route currently to earn some savings and get on with life. Passion, in times of war, is a luxury that not many can afford.

I have learnt one thing about where my passion lies though. I think I belong to the service industry. Yes, i will curse and swear at the demanding and unreasonable ones, but I love making life nice for others, seeing them smile and leave satisfied. – Sigh – the only draw back, the pay is really shitty in that sector.

Anyway, today I spent my day shopping! It really feels so good to buy nice things, bring them home and continue admiring them! Pretty pretty stuff I got! But just too bad, they are not mine to keep. Thats why I can’t divulge too much here. I went to a shop I would not really go in usually and the place wow me! The things wow me even more!! Ok, thats as much as I can say now.

But alas, life goes on. We strive to make everyday a better one than yesterday. As we grow older, we learnt to take a step at a time but look 3 steps and plan 5 steps ahead. We cry to appreciate laughter. We laugh to celebrate surviving tearful moments. We grow along the way. Becuase if we do not grow, we die.

Out-Bitch Me!

When I was with my previous company, being a Bitch is what most of my team mates aspire to be. We are pretty happy to be labelled a Bitch and we are proud of it. Reason being, dealing with stupidity sometimes makes you feel extremely intelligent and you soon realised some genres of stupidity are incurable and unforgivable. Therefore all the tolerance and “respect” displayed during the sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes 45 minutes conversations are transformed into a “walau eh, @#$%^&*(*&^%$#!!” release of energy.

Please note that by stupidity, I don’t mean people who displayed ignorance and are seeking knowlegde by asking. I really mean people who really thinks they are right even when they are wrong. I really mean people who are asking for credit extension and screaming their lungs out over the phone. I really mean people who thinks they are the boss, but they are really beggars. So dealing with people like this, we are truly proud to be bitches – in a subtle way of course.

Ever since I’ve left the place which I misses dearly (ermm.. with reference to the great friendship I forged during my years there), I have immersed into the sense of peacefulness which I find so precious. There’s no need to be a Bitch anymore coz I can now ignore stupidity and not force myself to entertain them. Its so nice to know that you need not try to make someone intelligent and yet be responsible when they remain stupid.

Please forgive me for the upteen use of the word ’stupid’, but I can’t find a better word to reconcile what I want to describe and how I feel.. -sigh- Especially when I am facing the familiar enemy again!

I think I am a nice girl. I control my temper well, I do not flare up unexpectedly. I am helpful and considerate, always going the extra mile to get things done even though I could choose not to do anything. I lend a listening ear and when its not appropriate to say the truth, I will offer some words of consolation at least. Although I might feel pissed at times, I am proud that vulgarities do not fly out of my mouth incontrollably and I will control my anger to prevent the situation from getting worse…

Thats precisely where Suet’s problem is – she never gets angry. But I think things gotta change. I gotta learn to be firm and assertive. Nice yet subtle let people know that I mean business. In a nutshell, I gotta up my Bitchy level. Being In Total Control of Herself - how true.

But seriously, I think tomorrow I will still the same old me. – So bittersweet – And after reading this whole post, the title seems so wrong, because anyone can out-bitch me without even trying! -damn!-

You can’t handle the truth!

Truth – thats what everybody wants, but not many can handle it.

At the end of the day, it is still about what they want to see, what they want to hear, what they want to know and what they want to feel. Who cares bout the truth? When truth is being revealed, they will try ways and means to convince themselves that the truth we know is not true at all.

Are white lies necessary? Yes, they are.

They are necessary, especially when the recipient of the message has conditioned the ‘messenger’ to learn by heart that he is not capable of handling information well enough. So at the end of the day, its a cause and effect, isn’t it?

You want truth, but you are never gonna get them because you can’t handle them. You get lies all the time, because the messenger always get killed in mission. You will get truth when you’ve learnt to respect and accept the message.

I am so tired. In all dimensions, I feel I am so drained. Whether in my personal life or professionally, its all about what others want to hear. On a good day, I am absolutely ok as long as the recipient feels happy. But when shit starts pouring on my head, it stinks.

Its ok if I need to manage only one party, but when everyone has different demands of me, I start to doubt my value. Then again, in the very essence, it could also have been my fault for not having a stronger stand on my own thoughts. So serve me right, huh? – duh -

Decision Making

In times like this, do we grab hold of jobs that we have little passion for to feed ourselves, or do we take a ‘wait and see’ approach and choose the best fish in the pond?

Its reality versus ideals.

How ah how ah how ah?

I have been pacing up and down, down and up. I am not sure why, but after receiving such ‘good’ news today, I am greeted with a very heavy hearted feeling. I felt like I weigh a thousand tons. And therefore I walked and walked and walked. I walked around at City Hall, then and Novena Square and then at Junction Eight. After which, I felt totally drained thats when I headed home and sat my ass in front of the TV. Numbed.

Till now, the only good news is I am being offered a job. Not sure how the remuneration is like yet, though I think it should be quite fine. But I know that once I say yes, there will loads of things for me to pick up – which is fine with me. But from what I know, I kinda expect that weekends and after work hours will be burnt. Because thats when the boss is free to ‘train’ me. Hmmm…

I have little passion in this line, although it is somewhat proven that I am an employee with a high level of cognitive dissonance, I am willing to learn up just so that I may do my job. Sometimes I think I can’t afford to be choosy at this moment, because my piggy bank is really pretty dry and I’ve got responsibilities on my shoulders.

BUT I just can’t bear to just say ‘yes’ to a job which is so nothing like what I like.

And yes the shittiest part of this whole thing is, it feels so difficult to say No. I fear relationships will be hurt.

So damn if I do, damn if I don’t. Damn it!

Moods Redefined

Don’t read this if you are having a bad day, or if you just had a unbelievably great day.

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I was never a believer of PMS. And I still am not. In fact I kinda detest it when people throw their tantrums and expect everyone to manja (malay word for “pamper”) them. Seriously bad days, everyone has them. I think its only responsible and fair that we learn to control it. You know, the mind over body thingy? Where we control our body and not our body control our minds?

The scientist say that hormonal changes and all sort of chemical reactions within our bodies causes us (especially females) to suffer from a syndrome called PMS. But I say, screw it. Maybe a minority of the human population suffers from such uncontrollable syndrome but that doesn’t mean EVERYONE out there has it. People around us don’t have to suffer just because we are having a bad day. So stop being so self-centered.

One reason why I refuse to allow myself believe in PMS is because I know that will give myself a very good excuse to let lose of my fiery temper, and expects everyone around me to give in to me. I just felt that such ’symptoms’ seldom improve. Like cancerous cells, it multiplies. And like the devil’s work, it consumes you.

~~~~~~~~~

Well, my mood has been foul today. Nope, I have not snapped at anyone yet. In fact, I made great efforts to refrain from making emotional remarks. This is something I learnt from my SH days – detaching yourself emotionally temporarily. Somehow it helps me deal with things in a more objective way. Although I can’t deny that at many instances, I was rolling my eyes at the many things which I find ridiculous.

You see when ur mood turns foul, even the most beautiful flower looks like shit.

I was so mad at so many things today. Messy stuff around me were like feathers tickling my nose, threatening to provoke a typhoon if I sneeze. After shopping, I was so annoyed with the guy who dragged his feet when he was walkin; so annoyed with the rich foreign women carrying huge shopping bags, adorn with huge oh-biang diamond assessories and rushing to cross the road when the red light is on; so annoyed by a mother who was teaching her son to pick up a quarrel with people who accidentally bumped onto him. Just freaking annoyed.

But well life goes on. Its ironic that I am feeling so pissed yet still maintained my calmness. Maybe because I did not allow myself to express such anger. Hmmm… So much said, I am no angel. I have a fiery temper beneath me, just that I try to be in control. I am kind of afraid if all hell breaks loose one day. I can’t imagine what will become of me. From my experience, I am a stubborn girl, whose pride usually gets on her way when such disastor happens. I would not allow myself apologise in instances like this. Worrying, huh…

I noticed sometimes when I get angry, such anger brings thoughts which further ignite the fiery temper. And as the temperature escalates and peaks at its highest point, it would simmer when I ditch all hopes of salvaging problems and issues which are pricking at my neck. After such anger, I feel a sense of hopelessness in things around me. With less hope for things to get better, (or maybe in a more rational sense, with less hope for things to get better the way I want), i decide to let nature takes its course. For there are things that we can never be of control.

Things that are meant to break, will break even if you catch it. It either hits the floor, or it breaks upon your hands catching it. When it breaks, its smitherings will graze itself against your skin causing hurt. So maybe its better to just let it hit the floor. Its a really sad way to perceive things right? But remember, I was supposed to be damn angry with no rationality to speak of.

Sigh. I shall retire for the night. Get enough rest and tomorrow will be better.

Screw PMS.